there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
