Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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