He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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