people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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