I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
