If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The struggles of a small town man whore
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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