You work out of a Hotel?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
