I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
