Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
