just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
