First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
