i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
