I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
