i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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