I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
