he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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