so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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