so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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