I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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