Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
