just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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