Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
