please come you make the beer taste better
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
