you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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