Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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