i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
