I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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