i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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