Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
