Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
