The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
