Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
