I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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