you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
