you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
