In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
