This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
