I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
