This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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