i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
