This is not my ceiling
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize