I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
