I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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