I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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