He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
