She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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