Cold hands, warm shart.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
