It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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