If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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