did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
where are my eyebrows?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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