SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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