Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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