The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
