I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
