you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
