I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're like the curious george of whores
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
