I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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