I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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