I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
