I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think pants incapable of making pants work
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
