That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
