I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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