Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
