Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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