I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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