so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
