You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
