Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
