Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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