i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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