Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
